Quesadillas, Wraps, and Salads! Oh My!

I've been back on the health wagon when it comes to eating.  I have been eating a lot more flat type breads than ones with years.  I have been rocking wraps, salads, and quesadillas as of late...Now salads are kind of idiot proof so I am not going to go into those.  I have been experimenting with wraps and quesadillas.   

J.J.'s Philly Cheese Steak Quesadilla

Serves: 2

Prep Time: 10 minutes

Cook Time: 10 minutes

• 2 medium flour Tortilla wraps (I use whole wheat.)
• 4 slices frozen Philly Cheese Steaks
• 1/2 green Bell Pepper, diced (optional)
• 1/3 cup Onion, diced
• 1/2 cup fresh mushrooms (optional)
• 1/3 cup fresh Tomatoes, diced (optional)
• 2 slices of American cheese
• 2 slices provolone or mozzarella cheese

Directions:

• Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.
• Chop bell pepper, onions and tomatoes.
• Preheat a 12-inch skillet over medium-high heat for 2 to 3 minutes.
• Remove frozen Philly Cheese steak meat from package. Break into bite-size pieces and add to skillet.
• Add pepper, onions, and onion, stirring frequently.
• Cook 5 to 6 minutes or until beef is thoroughly cooked, drain.
• Cover each quesadilla with one of each type of cheese per tortilla.
• Place half the meat mixture on one half of each quesadilla.
• Top with fresh tomatoes, if desired.
• Fold the other half over meat mixture.
• Place on baking stone or baking sheet. (I also brown on a hot griddle sprayed lightly with a cooking spray.)
• Bake for 8 to 10 minutes or until tortillas begins to turn light brown.
• Remove from oven, transfer to plates and serve immediately.

Buffalo Chicken Wrap

Prep Time: 10 minutes

Total Time: 25 minutes

Serves: 4

Ingredients

• 2⁄3 cup franks red hot or Texas Pete pepper sauce
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 4 boneless skinless chicken breast halves
• ¼ cup ranch dressing
• 1 cup shredded lettuce
• 1 cup shredded monterey jack cheese...want it really hot? Use pepper jack!
• 4 10-inch flour tortillas (warmed...again I use whole wheat)
• 1 teaspoon garlic powder, to taste
• salt, to taste
• pepper, to taste

Directions

• Pre season chicken with garlic powder, salt and black pepper to taste.
• Combine 1/3 cup of hot sauce and 1 tbsp of olive oil in a large plastic storage bag.
• Add the chicken and shake a bit to ensure chicken is evenly coated with marinade.
• Marinade chicken at least 30 minutes.
• Grill chicken until done.
• Slice chicken into strips.
• Place chicken in bowl and add 1/3 cup of hot sauce and dressing and cheese, mix well.
• Place chicken mixture and lettuce down the center of the tortilla.
• Roll tortilla in same fashion as a burrito.
• Cut in half.

Buffalo Chicken Quesadillas

Prep Time: 10 Minutes

Cook Time: 10 Minutes        

Serves: 4

Ingredients

• 2 cups Diced Grilled Chicken Breast
• ½ cups Frank Red Hot or Texas Pete Sauce
• 1 head Romaine Lettuce
• 1 bag (8 Oz. Size) Mozzarella Cheese Or Sharp Cheddar Cheese
• Whole Grain Tortillas (again use what you like)
• ½ cups Ranch Dressing

Directions

Mix the chicken with buffalo sauce. On a hot skillet, throw in chicken, and cheese on one side of a tortilla. Fold in half. Cook on high heat for about two minutes. Flip! Cook an additional 2 minutes on the other side. Serve with a ranch and lettuce. 

Such A Tool!

No, not me! I am talking kitchen items! I have expensive tastes, but a poor mans budget.  Good kitchen tools don't come cheap.  My favorite knife, a Santoku, by Pampered Chef, was $80 and that was five years ago. I love my santuko.

The Santoku hōchō or Bunka hōchō is a general-purpose kitchen knife originating in Japan. Its blade is typically between 5 and 8 inches long, and has a flat edge and a sheepsfoot blade that curves in an angle approaching 60 degrees at the point. The top of the santoku's handle is in line with the top of the blade. The word santoku loosely translates as 'three virtues' or 'three uses', a reference to the three cutting tasks the knife performs well: slicing; dicing; and mincing. The santoku's blade and handle are designed to work in harmony by matching the blade's width/weight to the weight of blade tang and handle, and the original Japanese santoku is considered a well-balanced knife.

The thing is with knives...you need to use something that has a good feel to it for you.
What knife I like, might not work for you.  I know you have heard this time and time from the various celebrity chefs, but me being me...I have to try it out for myself.  I am not a celebrity, but a real person. lol

I also like the knives Ikea sells.  What I like best is they have a display knife out where you can pick it up and see how it feels in your hand.  And it is Ikea! Everything is dirt cheap!

I get a lot of gadgets at Ikea or they are bought for me.   A good friend of mine introduced Ikea and me and its been a torrid love affair ever since.  $0.59 spatulas? Sweet! That way if I melt and destroy it, I don't feel guilty about it.  $0.99 for a set of three different sizes of scissors? Hell yeah!

Now one of my favorite kitchen tools that is not a knife is something from Pampered Chef that is called the Scoop and Drain or something like that. It is so nice for pasta...especially if you are cooking it for something like pasta salad.  The pest thing about it is I got it at a quarter auction for $0.50! Sweet!

What kind of kitchen gadgets do you lovely readers like?  Send me your emails and bonus points for photos! I will compile all submissions and put it in the blog.

cookingwithjj.baker@gmail.com

Love, peace, and chicken grease!

Coffee Break

Happy New Year! I know I am a few days late, but hey, it is still January.  I've been struggling with what to write about this month.  As I was making a much needed cup of coffee this morning, it came to me: Write about your Christmas present moron!

The fat kids Mom really hit a homerun in the present department this past Christmas.  She hadn't hit such a huge home run since the original NES when I was a kid.  Not only did Mom Clause get my and freaking awesome Leg Lamp like the one in A Christmas Story, she also got me a Keurig.  How hot is that?

 Now if you live under a rock and don't know what a Keurig is, let me tell you:

 Keurig was founded in 1992 by Olaf Keurig. In 2006, they became a subsidiary of Green Mountain Coffee Roasters.

 In North America, Keurig claims the following market presence as of 2010:

• 2.5 million beverages dispensed per day
• 200,000 office installations
• 6% of all coffee brewed in offices in the USA

K-Cup machines are all designed to quickly brew a single cup of coffee, tea, hot chocolate, or other hot beverage. The grounds (or other brew material) are supplied in a prepared, single-serving unit, called a "K-Cup". Once the machine has warmed up, the user inserts a K-Cup into the machine, places a mug under the spout, and presses the brew button; within 20 to 60 seconds, the beverage is ready. By omitting the K-Cup, users can also dispense a mug of hot water.

Keurig machines brew coffee or tea by piercing the foil seal on top of the plastic K-Cup with a spray nozzle, while simultaneously piercing the bottom of the K-cup with a discharge nozzle. Grounds contained inside the K-cup sit within a paper filter. A measured quantity of hot water is forced through the K-Cup, passing through the grounds and through the filter into the waiting cup or mug below. A brewing temperature of 192 degrees Fahrenheit (89 Celsius) is the default setting, with some models permitting users to reduce the temperature somewhat, per preference.

Now here is why I like the Keurig: Back in the spring time I was house/dog sitting for a friend.  Said friend had the Keurig and I tried it out.  It was simply one of the best home brewed cups of coffee I have ever had.  You see, this fat kid loves coffee, but coffee doesn't love me. It upsets my stomach and such.  This lovely little machines delicious coffee does not.

The Green Mountain Coffee is good of course, as is the Caribou Coffee, and my personal favorite Tully's Kona Coffee.  The only hot chocolate I have tried is the Cafe Escapes and I was not at all impressed.  Side note: I love Kona Coffee.  It is wonderful.

A little history on Kona Coffee:

Kona coffee is the market name for coffee cultivated on the slopes of Hualalai and Mauna Loa in the North and South Kona Districts of the Big Island of Hawaii. It is one of the most expensive coffees in the world. Only coffee from the Kona Districts can be described as "Kona". The weather of sunny mornings, cloud or rain in the afternoon, little wind and mild nights combined with porous, mineral rich volcanic soil, creates favorable coffee growing conditions. The loanword for coffee in the Hawaiian language is kope.

As I have rattled on long enough about coffee...one last note.  In the form of creamers...I love the International Delight White Chocolate Raspberry or Amaretto.  Have a fancy cup of coffee at home for pennies a cup.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas my dear readers.  I know I have been slacking this month.  December is always a hard one on everyone.  A couple eggnog recipes for you lovely people.   Everyone seems to have a love/hate relationship with eggnog.  I personally love it.  Enjoy! Have a great New Year!

Easy Eggnog Recipe

Ingredients

• 6 eggs
• 3 cups milk
• 8 tablespoons sugar
• 3 teaspoon vanilla essence
• 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg, ground

Directions

In a large bowl, beat the eggs using an electric beater (if available).

By turn, add milk & sugar.
Continue beating until mixture thickens slightly.
Add in the vanilla essence & ground nutmeg.
Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate until chilled (at least 3 hours).

Serves: 8.

Traditional Eggnog

Ingredients

• 12 eggs, separated
• 6 cups milk
• 2 cups heavy/ thickened cream
• 2 cups bourbon
• 1+ 1/2 cups sugar
• 3/4 cup brandy
• 2 teaspoons ground nutmeg

Directions

In a large bowl and using a mixer, beat the egg yolks together with the sugar for approx 10 minutes (you want the mixture to be firm and the colour of butter).
Very slowly, add in the bourbon and brandy - just a little at a time.
When bourbon and brandy have been added, allow the mixture to cool in the fridge (for up to 6 hours, depending on how long before your party you're making the eggnog).
30 minutes before your guests arrive, stir the milk into the chilled yolk mixture.
Stir in 1+ 1/2 teaspoons ground nutmeg.
In a separate bowl, beat the cream with a mixer on high speed until the cream forms stiff peaks.
In yet another bowl, beat the egg whites until stiff peaks form.
Gently fold the egg white mixture into the egg yolk mixture.
Gently fold the cream into the egg mixture.
After ladling into cups, garnish with the remainder of the ground nutmeg.

Serves: 8.

Turkey Tips!

Thanksgiving is less than a week away here in the U.S.  Here are some turkey day tips from the fat kid to make your life a little easier!

If you need only enough turkey to make it through Thanksgiving dinner: Buy ¾ to 1 pound per person.

If you want enough leftovers for the long weekend: Calculate 1 pounds (or slightly more) per person. Get leftover turkey recipes and turkey sandwich ideas.

If you need a large turkey: Consider buying two 10- to 12-pound birds and roasting them side by side. Small turkeys cook (and defrost) much more quickly than supersize ones, and they tend to stay moister.

J.J.'s Quick Turkey Guide

Number of diners: 8.

Turkey size (including leftovers): 10 to 12 pounds.

Thawing time (for a frozen turkey): Refrigerator, 2 to 2½ days; cool water (changed every half hour), 5 to 6 hours.

Roasting time (unstuffed): Roast at 425° F for 45 minutes. Cover with foil, reduce temperature to 350° F, and continue to roast the turkey until a thigh registers 180° F, about 2 hours total.

Number of diners: 12.

Turkey size (including leftovers): 16 to 18 pounds.

Thawing time (for a frozen turkey): Refrigerator, 3½ to 4 days; cool water (changed every half hour), 8 to 9 hours.

Roasting time (unstuffed): Roast at 425° F for 45 minutes. Cover with foil, reduce temperature to 350° F, and continue to roast the turkey until a thigh registers 180° F, 2½ to 3 hours total.

Number of diners: 16.

Turkey size (including leftovers): 20 to 22 pounds.

Thawing time (for a frozen turkey): Refrigerator, 4 to 4½ days; cool water (changed every half hour), 9 to 11 hours.

Roasting time (unstuffed): Roast at 425° F for 45 minutes. Cover with foil, reduce temperature to 350° F, and continue to roast the turkey until a thigh registers 180° F, 3 to 3½ hours total.

Number of diners: 20.

Turkey size (including leftovers): 24 to 26 pounds.

Thawing time (for a frozen turkey): Refrigerator, 5 to 5½ days; cool water (changed every half hour), 11 to 13 hours.

Roasting time (unstuffed): Roast at 425° F for 45 minutes. Cover with foil, reduce temperature to 350° F, and continue to roast the turkey until a thigh registers 180° F, 4 to 4½ hours total.

Talking Turkey

Call either of these hotlines to speak with an expert turkey roaster, pie baker, or side-dish maker. Hours listed are for Thanksgiving Day.

Butterball Turkey Talk-Line:  800-288-8372 , 6 a.m. to 6 p.m. EST; www.butterball.com.

U.S. Department of Agriculture Meat and Poultry Hotline:  888-674-6854 , 8 a.m. to 2 p.m. EST; www.fsis.usda.gov.

Classic Turkey Gravy

Ingredients

• pan juices from the turkey and roasting pan
• 1/4 cup dry white wine
• 4 tablespoons unsalted butter
• 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
• 5 cups turkey or chicken broth
• 1 teaspoons kosher salt
• 1/4 teaspoon black pepper
  

Directions

Strain the pan juices into a fat separator or bowl. Let stand for 10 minutes. Skim and discard the fat from the surface; set the juices aside.

Place the empty roasting pan over 2 burners over medium-high heat. Add the wine and cook, stirring and scraping to dissolve any bits stuck to the pan, for 2 minutes. Add the butter and melt. Sprinkle with the flour and cook, stirring constantly, until lightly golden, about 3 minutes. Still stirring, slowly add first the broth, then 1 cup of the reserved juices. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer gently until the gravy has thickened, 5 to 10 minutes. Remove from heat and season with the salt and pepper. Strain just before serving.

Quick Turkey Gravy

Ingredients

• pan juices from the turkey and roasting pan
• 4 cups turkey or chicken broth
• 1/4 cup cornstarch
• 1 teaspoon kosher salt
• 1/4 teaspoon black pepper

Directions

Strain the pan juices into a fat separator or bowl. Let stand for 10 minutes. Skim and discard the fat from the surface; set the juices aside.

In a small saucepan, over medium-low heat, bring the broth and 1 cup of the reserved juices to a boil. Meanwhile, in a small bowl, whisk together the cornstarch and 1/4 cup cold water until no lumps remain. Slowly whisk the cornstarch mixture into the simmering broth. Cook for 1 minute. Remove from heat and season with the salt and pepper. Strain just before serving

If your gravy is too thin: Whisk 2 teaspoons cornstarch into 2 teaspoons cold water, or combine 1 tablespoon room-temperature butter with 1 tablespoon flour to form a paste. Whisk into 4 to 5 cups of barely simmering gravy and cook, stirring constantly, until the gravy thickens.

If your gravy is too thick: Add more of the reserved pan juices or warmed turkey or chicken broth, 1 tablespoon at a time. Or try a splash of a flavorful fortified wine, such as Madeira or sherry.

If your gravy is too pale: Try a few shakes of soy sauce, keeping in mind that paleness is only a cosmetic concern, unrelated to flavor.

Happy Thanksgiving, Yo!

Thanksgiving is next week and lets face it...most people don't give thanks but stuff themselves with good food.  This fat kid is thankful for many things whether I say things or not. So before we get to the recipes here is what I am thankful for:

1. Good friends...without you I may go totally insane.
2. People that send me recipes to try! Without you I wouldn't have this blog.
3. Medicare...yeah it has its issues, but it is so much better than no insurance at all!
4. The Food Network...I get a lot of inspiration from there.
5. The internet...it has been keeping me entertained since 1994. Thanks, Mrs. Walker, for the introduction during study hall!

 RumChata® Sweet Potato Casserole

Ingredients

• 4 large sweet potatoes, scrubbed
• 3 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted plus more for the preparing the pan
• 1 tablespoon dark brown sugar
• 1 teaspoon kosher salt
• 1/3 cup RumChata®
• 1/4 cup coarsely chopped pecans

 Directions

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F. Put the sweet potatoes on a baking sheet and pierce each one 2 or 3 times with a fork. Bake for 45 to 60 minutes or until tender. Set aside to cool.

Turn the oven down to 350 degrees F. Scoop the sweet potato out of their skins and into a medium bowl. Discard the skins. Mash the potatoes until smooth. Add the butter, brown sugar, salt, RumChata® and pepper to taste. Whisk the mixture until smooth.

Butter an 8 by 8-inch casserole. Pour the sweet potato mixture into the pan and sprinkle the top with the pecans. Bake for 30 to 40 minutes until a bit puffy. Serve immediately.

What it s RumChata® you ask?

RumChata® is rum cream made as an authentic replica of the best Horchata you have ever tasted. It is made from scratch using real ingredients - rice, sugar, cinnamon and vanilla. This is Real Horchata, not an imitation flavored horchata beverage.

In the western hemisphere, horchata is made from rice, sugar, vanilla, cinnamon and either water or dairy. The only way to make 'Real Horchata' is to make it from these ingredients, not horchata flavor. If it says horchata flavor or it does not include not rice, sugar, cinnamon and vanilla it's not 'Real Horchata'.

Now that you know a little more about RumChata® here is a great shot or drink to have while waiting for dinner to cook.

Cinnamon Toast Crunch

• 3 parts RumChata®
• 1 part vanilla vodka

Shake with ice and strain into a shot glass.

Serve with a piece of Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal on top.

My bar serves it sans the cereal and with a splash of pineapple juice I believe.

I haven't tried this but it sounds YUMMY!

Cinnabon

• 3/4 oz. RumChata®
• 1/4 oz. Kahlua

Pour into a shot glass.

Duchess Potatoes

Ingredients

·         2 pounds potatoes (Yukon Golds work best), peeled and cut into chunks

·         Salt

·         1/4 cup heavy cream

·         4 tablespoons unsalted butter, divided

·         1/4 teaspoon nutmeg

·         1/2 teaspoon black pepper

·         3 egg yolks

Method

1 Place potatoes in a medium to large pot (3 qt) and cover with a couple inches of cold water. Add a couple teaspoons of salt to the water. Bring to a simmer and cook until the potatoes are tender (the tines of a fork easily pierce), about 20-25 minutes.

2 While the potatoes are boiling, melt 2 tablespoons of butter and set aside. You will use this butter to coat the potatoes right before they go in the oven. Preheat the oven to 425°. 3 When the potatoes are cooked, drain in a colander and put the potatoes back in the pot set over low heat. Allow them to release steam for a minute or so. Add 2 tablespoons of butter and mash the potatoes until the butter has been incorporated. Add the nutmeg, black pepper, heavy cream and continue mashing the potatoes. Once everything is incorporated, add salt to taste and the egg yolks. Continue to mash until the mixture is smooth. Do not over-mash or your potatoes will end up with a gluey consistency.

4 Using a piping bag with a large star point, pipe the potatoes onto a cookie sheet. Alternatively, you can just fill a casserole dish with the mashed potatoes, and use a fork to create lots of peaks on the surface. The swirled edges from the star-point piping bag forms or the peaks of mashed potatoes in a casserole dish will brown nicely in the oven.

The browned parts taste great, so you want to maximize them. Whether you make piped portions or a casserole, paint the potatoes with the melted butter. Bake in the 425°F oven until nicely browned, about 20 minutes.

Pumpkin Pie

Ingredients

• 3/4 cup granulated sugar
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
• 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
• (or 1 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice)
• 2 large eggs
• 1 can (15 oz.) Pumpkin
• 1 can (12 fl. oz.) Evaporated Milk
• 1 unbaked 9-inch (4-cup volume) deep-dish pie shell
• Whipped cream (optional)

Directions

MIX sugar, cinnamon, salt, ginger and cloves in small bowl. Beat eggs in large bowl. Stir in pumpkin and sugar-spice mixture. Gradually stir in evaporated milk.

 POUR into pie shell.

 BAKE in preheated 425° F oven for 15 minutes. Reduce temperature to 350° F; bake for 40 to 50 minutes or until knife inserted near center comes out clean. Cool on wire rack for 2 hours. Serve immediately or refrigerate. Top with whipped cream before serving.

 Pumpkin Bread        

• 3 1/2 c. all-purpose flour
• 1/4 tsp. baking powder
• 2 tsp. baking soda
• 1 1/2 tsp. salt
• 1 tsp. each nutmeg, cloves, cinnamon - or a teaspoon pumpkin pie spice
• 1 1/2 c. each granulated sugar and packed brown sugar
• 1 c. oil
• 2 c. canned pumpkin
• 4 eggs
• 1 c. each raisins and nuts (optional)

Sift together flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt and spices. Add the sugars, mixing well.

Mix dry ingredients with the oil and pumpkin, stirring until well combined.

Add eggs, one at a time, blending thoroughly. Pour into 2 greased and floured 9 1/2 x 5 1/4-inch loaf pans.

Bake at 350 degrees for 50 to 60 minutes or until tester comes out clean. Cool for 5 minutes. Remove from pans. Place on wire rack to cool.

I love pecan pie...I have used ths recipe for the last 12 years.

Pecan Pie

• 1 cup Karo® Light OR Dark Corn Syrup - this is one time I go brand name and I prefer dark
• 3 eggs
• 1 cup sugar
• 2 tablespoons butter, melted
• 1 teaspoon Vanilla Extract
• 1-1/2 cups (6 ounces) pecans
• 1 (9-inch) unbaked or frozen** deep-dish pie crust

1. Preheat oven to 350°F.

2. Mix corn syrup, eggs, sugar, butter and vanilla using a spoon. Stir in pecans. Pour filling into pie crust.

3. Bake on center rack of oven for 60 to 70 minutes (see tips for doneness, below). Cool for 2 hours on wire rack before serving.

4. **To use prepared frozen pie crust: Place cookie sheet in oven and preheat oven as directed. Pour filling into frozen crust and bake on preheated cookie sheet.

5. RECIPE TIPS: Pie is done when center reaches 200°F. Tap center surface of pie lightly - it should spring back when done. For easy clean up, spray pie pan with cooking spray before placing pie crust in pan. If pie crust is overbrowning, cover edges with foil.

6. VARIATION: coarsely chopped walnuts may be substituted for pecans to make a walnut pie.

Happy Halloween!

Halloween is probably my second favorite holiday. My ex and I used to have a huge Halloween party every year...I tried it the last couple years by myself with a huge failing.  I skipped it this year and even though its a little late, I decided to share some of my favorite recipes from these parties.

Kitty Litter Cake

• 1 box German chocolate cake mix, plus ingredients to prepare
• 1 box  white cake mix, plus ingredients to prepare
• 2 packages instant vanilla pudding mix
• 1 package vanilla sandwich cookies
• 3 drops green food coloring
• 1 package (12 ounce size) tootsie rolls

Prepare cake mixes and bake according to package directions (any size pan). Prepare pudding according to package directions and chill until ready to assemble.

Crumble sandwich cookies in small batches in a food processor, scraping often. Set aside all but 1/4 cup. To the 1/4 cup add a few drops of green food coloring and mix.

When cakes are cooled to room temperature, crumble them into a large bowl. Toss with 1/2 of the remaining cookie crumbs, and the chilled pudding. You probably won't need all of the pudding, you want the cake to be just moist, not soggy. Line a clean, new kitty litter box with a kitty litter liner.

Put cake mixture into box. Put half of the unwrapped tootsie rolls in a microwave safe dish and heat until softened. Shape the ends so that they are no longer blunt, and curve the tootsie rolls slightly. Bury tootsie rolls randomly in the cake and sprinkle with half of the remaining cookie crumbs.

Sprinkle a small amount of the green colored cookie crumbs lightly over the top. Heat 3 or 4 of the tootsie rolls in the microwave until almost melted. Scrape them on top of the cake and sprinkle lightly with some of the green cookie crumbs. Heat the remaining tootsie rolls until pliable and shape as before. Spread all but one randomly over top of cake mixture. Sprinkle with any remaining cookie crumbs. Hang the remaining tootsie roll over side of litter box and sprinkle with a few green cookie crumbs.

To serve use the clean, new the pooper scooper for a gross Halloween dessert.



Day Old Bathwater Recipe

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 can (12 ounce size) frozen lemonade
• 1 can (12 ounce size) frozen pink lemonade
• 1 can (12 ounce size) frozen limeade
• 1/2 gallon rainbow sherbet

PREPARATION:

About 45 minutes before serving time, set cans of lemon and limeade and the container of sherbet out to thaw. After 15 minutes, scoop out half of the sherbet's containers contents and place it into a brownish color. Place the remaining sherbet back in.

Prepare lemon and limeades according to the package directions and pour into the punch bowl.

Carefully float spoonfuls of the brown blended sherbet on top of the lemonade mixture, spreading it around to look like dirty brown suds. Do not stir. Use a ladle to serve punch in cups.

Sicko serving suggestion: Float a handful of green, yellow and white tiny after dinner mints (tiny bars of soap), on top of your scummy punch.

Chunky Cat Barf

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 large spaghetti squash
• 8 ounces cottage cheese
• 16 ounces Mozzarella cheese (grated)
• 8 ounces Parmesan cheese (grated)
• 1 quart spaghetti sauce
• 1/2 green bell pepper, chopped

PREPARATION:

Cook squash. Fork out insides into a giant casserole dish. Add cottage cheese, spaghetti sauce, peppers, and half of the mozzarella and parmesan cheeses. Mix until it looks like cat barf.
Top with the remaining cheeses.
Bake at 350 degrees F. for about 45 minutes.


Melted Fingers Pizzas

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 red bell pepper
• 12 sticks (1 ounce each) mozzarella
• 8 small (about 5" diam.) baked pizza crusts
• 1 cup purchased pizza sauce

PREPARATION:

Core, stem and seed pepper; cut lengthwise into 1"-wide strips. Cut each strip crosswise into 1/2" pieces (fingernails). Round corners on one end of each piece.

Cut each cheese stick in half crosswise. On rounded end of each stick (finger), cut out a 1/2"-square notch into which a pepper piece will fit to make a nail.
Lay crusts slightly apart on 3 baking sheets, each 12x15". Spread 2 Tbsp. sauce evenly over each crust. Lay 3 cheese fingers well apart on each crust: fit a red pepper nail onto each. Bake in a 450 degrees F oven until cheese just begins to melt, about 8 minutes.

Vampire's Kiss

 

• 2 oz. vodka
• 1/2 oz. dry gin
•  1/2 oz. dry vermouth
•  1 tbsp. tequila
•  Pinch of salt
• 2 oz. tomato juice

 Old Fashioned glass, shake with ice, strain over ice.