Cooking With J.J.: Happy Halloween!

Halloween is probably my second favorite holiday. My ex and I used to have a huge Halloween party every year...I tried it the last couple years by myself with a huge failing. I skipped it this year and even though its a little late, I decided to share some of my favorite recipes from these parties.

Kitty Litter Cake

1 box German chocolate cake mix, plus ingredients to prepare
1 box white cake mix, plus ingredients to prepare
2 packages instant vanilla pudding mix
1 package vanilla sandwich cookies
3 drops green food coloring
1 package (12 ounce size) tootsie rolls

Prepare cake mixes and bake according to package directions (any size pan). Prepare pudding according to package directions and chill until ready to assemble.

Crumble sandwich cookies in small batches in a food processor, scraping often. Set aside all but 1/4 cup. To the 1/4 cup add a few drops of green food coloring and mix.

When cakes are cooled to room temperature, crumble them into a large bowl. Toss with 1/2 of the remaining cookie crumbs, and the chilled pudding. You probably won't need all of the pudding, you want the cake to be just moist, not soggy. Line a clean, new kitty litter box with a kitty litter liner.

Put cake mixture into box. Put half of the unwrapped tootsie rolls in a microwave safe dish and heat until softened. Shape the ends so that they are no longer blunt, and curve the tootsie rolls slightly. Bury tootsie rolls randomly in the cake and sprinkle with half of the remaining cookie crumbs.

Sprinkle a small amount of the green colored cookie crumbs lightly over the top. Heat 3 or 4 of the tootsie rolls in the microwave until almost melted. Scrape them on top of the cake and sprinkle lightly with some of the green cookie crumbs. Heat the remaining tootsie rolls until pliable and shape as before. Spread all but one randomly over top of cake mixture. Sprinkle with any remaining cookie crumbs. Hang the remaining tootsie roll over side of litter box and sprinkle with a few green cookie crumbs.

To serve use the clean, new the pooper scooper for a gross Halloween dessert.

Day Old Bathwater Recipe

INGREDIENTS:

1 can (12 ounce size) frozen lemonade
1 can (12 ounce size) frozen pink lemonade
1 can (12 ounce size) frozen limeade
1/2 gallon rainbow sherbet

PREPARATION:

About 45 minutes before serving time, set cans of lemon and limeade and the container of sherbet out to thaw. After 15 minutes, scoop out half of the sherbet's containers contents and place it into a brownish color. Place the remaining sherbet back in.

Prepare lemon and limeades according to the package directions and pour into the punch bowl.

Carefully float spoonfuls of the brown blended sherbet on top of the lemonade mixture, spreading it around to look like dirty brown suds. Do not stir. Use a ladle to serve punch in cups.

Sicko serving suggestion: Float a handful of green, yellow and white tiny after dinner mints (tiny bars of soap), on top of your scummy punch.

Chunky Cat Barf

INGREDIENTS:

1 large spaghetti squash
8 ounces cottage cheese
16 ounces Mozzarella cheese (grated)
8 ounces Parmesan cheese (grated)
1 quart spaghetti sauce
1/2 green bell pepper, chopped

PREPARATION:

Cook squash. Fork out insides into a giant casserole dish. Add cottage cheese, spaghetti sauce, peppers, and half of the mozzarella and parmesan cheeses. Mix until it looks like cat barf.
Top with the remaining cheeses.
Bake at 350 degrees F. for about 45 minutes.

Melted Fingers Pizzas

INGREDIENTS:

1 red bell pepper
12 sticks (1 ounce each) mozzarella
8 small (about 5" diam.) baked pizza crusts
1 cup purchased pizza sauce

PREPARATION:

Core, stem and seed pepper; cut lengthwise into 1"-wide strips. Cut each strip crosswise into 1/2" pieces (fingernails). Round corners on one end of each piece.

Cut each cheese stick in half crosswise. On rounded end of each stick (finger), cut out a 1/2"-square notch into which a pepper piece will fit to make a nail.
Lay crusts slightly apart on 3 baking sheets, each 12x15". Spread 2 Tbsp. sauce evenly over each crust. Lay 3 cheese fingers well apart on each crust: fit a red pepper nail onto each. Bake in a 450 degrees F oven until cheese just begins to melt, about 8 minutes.

Vampire's Kiss